The moment is sacred. Even when you are uttering these words, there is friction in the air. It seems as if your entire soul is aligned with the universe. Your heartbeat is increasing and your mind is busy in calculations. Now I realize that I should have stopped and enjoyed the moment. The moment when you are no longer you, but “we”.
Whether it’s till death do us part or its saying Qubool hai or walking around the fire or standing in a synagogue, every girl feels the same. Months of planning, praying, tears and tantrums and the day finally arrived. It is a fact that a girl plans for her wedding day since she was old enough to understand the term wedding.
My question is this. Why is all the preparation for the wedding but not for a marriage?
I was very young when I got married. At the dire age of just twenty one, when the girls my age were studying, planning careers and getting their passports stamped, I was dreaming of companionship and walks in the rain.
Even though everyone around me tried to warn me in their own subtle ways I was too fascinated to be persuaded. A six foot one handsome Army officer, with eyes that told many tales, love indeed had blinded me.
It is in my nature to go after the things I want. If my heart wants it, my brain usually loses the argument.
In a fairy tale perfect wedding with dances, songs, henna, flowers and dresses, I went, amongst many tears of happiness, to my new abode.
It was then when I realized that the day has passed. What good is the expensive dress when you have to handle a marriage?
I thank Allah that I realized the institution of marriage from a very early time. I never had a honeymoon period, where all you can see is your husband or wife and you want to come back home early and spend time talking or getting to know each other.
Amongst many hmmms and ahans, we started to get to know each other. Like every human being change is relatively harder for a Pakistani man to accept as compared to a Pakistani woman. The men want to prove to their families, friends and the rest of the world that nothing has changed even though the sun has started rising from the west. *smile*. My man was no different.
A twenty one year old whose idea of romance was Shahrukh Khan and Kajol in DDLJ was now facing a romance similar to Hitler and Eva Braun!
Over the passing years (6 years now Mash Allah) we have had many fights, many arguments primarily due to interference (like every desi family), a difference in our background and training, a difference in our lifestyles etc, however we have come to appreciate each other’s wisdom, love, care and support.
I’m not saying that mine is a perfect marriage rather its extremely unconventional, the key is not to give up. Marriage is an investment. You have to be patient and wise, giving it time and trusting the unknown. Lay the foundations on respect, trust and laughter. Nothing is more important in a marriage than humor. If you have the ability to laugh together, it will bond you together for many years of your life.
Yes it is extremely exasperating to the point of ripping your hair apart but there are good times too. Yes he will act like a two year old but you have to handle everything with love. There will be many interferences in terms of family and friends but you have to feel secure. No one can be his wife except for you. (No one else can handle him I assure you!)
So ladies let’s not take small things to our heads. Let’s focus a little of our energies on our selves, because at the end of the day, you are your best friend.
Time to give my baby breakfast!
Happy Sunday to all